The Middleearth Nine: Anthology
by Justus Twins
Summary: Monkees, Beatles, Dixie Chicks and more... as only the Fellowship could sing them! Now includes Disney showtunes and Silmarillion parodies!
1. One Ring To Mordor

Disclaimer: We own nothing and we'll credit sources whenever possible. These first few are more or less in chronological order... enjoy!

* * *

One Ring to Mordor  
(based on "Last Train to Clarksville" by the Monkees; original words and music by Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart)

(Gandalf tells Frodo about the Ring, and Frodo asks what he must do. Gandalf begins to sing, with Sam singing back-up from outside, where he's been listening.)  
  
_Take the One Ring to Mordor  
You can take young Samwise with you  
You can be there by next Springtime  
And save all the free races  
Don't be slow  
Oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!  
And I don't know if you're ever coming home...  
  
'Cause Sauron's getting stronger  
And his orcs are everywhere  
We'll have a little more time together  
'Til I go see Saruman  
But you must go  
Yes, you must go!  
Yes, you must go!  
But I'll see you when you reach Elf Elrond's home...  
  
Take the One Ring to Mordor  
But first stop at Rivendell  
There we'll hold a counsel  
And choose the Fellowship  
Oh, yes we will!  
A Fellowship!  
  
_(Sam pokes his head in and joins Gandalf in a chorus of "doo-doo"s)  
  
_Take the One Ring to Mordor  
Throw it in Mount Doom  
You'll have to fight ol' Gollum while there  
But you'll win  
Yes, you will win!  
Yes, you will win!  
So I guess that means you'll be coming home..._  
  
_Take the One Ring to Mordor  
You can take young Samwise with you  
You can be there by next Springtime  
And save all the free races  
Don't be slow  
Oh, no, no, no!  
Oh, no, no, no!  
And I don't know if you're ever coming home...  
  
Take the One Ring to Mordor!  
Take the One Ring to Mordor!  
_  
(Gandalf and Sam continue the last line, eventually fading out.)


	2. I'm the Ring-bearer

I'm the Ring-bearer  
(based on "I'm A Believer" by the Monkees; original words and music by Neil Diamond)

(Frodo is responding to Gandalf's explanation of the Ring and all that he was told. Frodo begins singing, with Gandalf and Sam pitching in on back-up.)  
  
_I thought these Rings were only real in Bilbo's tales,  
Never thought the One would end up with me.  
Oh, Wraiths are out to get me, (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
Nine of them it seems, (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
These things will surely haunt my dreams.  
  
Then I got this Ring,  
Now I'm the Ring-bearer,  
Not a trace  
Of doubt in my mind.  
I must go, (mm-oh-yeah-ooh)  
I'm the Ring-bearer,  
I must leave here ere too long.  
  
I thought Bilbo's Ring was just a golden thing,  
Nice to look at, yes, quite nice to see.  
But now I must pack up (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
And leave the Shire. (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
Thank you, Gandalf, very glad you came.  
  
Then I got this Ring,  
Now I'm the Ring-bearer,  
Not a trace  
Of doubt in my mind.  
I must go, (mm-oh-yeah-ooh)  
I'm the Ring-bearer,  
I must leave here ere too long.  
  
Ah!  
Well, all right! _  
  
(An instrumental piece of the song begins playing. Though not sure where it's coming from, the hobbits and the wizard groove along.)  
  
_But now I must pack up (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
And leave the Shire. (doodoo doo, doo doo)  
Thank you, Gandalf, very glad you came.  
  
Then I got this Ring,  
Now I'm the Ring-bearer,  
Not a trace  
Of doubt in my mind.  
I must go, (mm-oh-yeah-ooh)  
I'm the Ring-bearer,  
I must leave here ere too long.  
  
Yes, I got this Ring,_  
_Now I'm the Ring-bearer,  
Not a trace   
Of doubt in my mind.  
Said, I'm the Ring-bearer, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!  
Said, I'm the Ring-bearer, yeah! (I'm the Ring-bearer)  
Said, I'm the Ring-bearer, yeah! (I'm the Ring-bearer)  
_  
(They keep repeating this, eventually fading out.)


	3. Help! Boromir

Help! Boromir  
(Based on "Help!" by the Beatles. Helps if you think of the movie scene--_LOTR_, not _Help!_)

Boromir begins singing while fighting the Uruk-hai. Merry and Pippin sing back-up from the sidelines.  
  
_Help!  
I need somebody!  
Help!   
Come on, ANYBODY!  
Help!  
You know, I need someone!  
HEEEEELP!  
  
When I was gathering the firewood today  
I tried to take little Frodo's Ring in every way  
But then he disappeared and I wandered all alone  
Then these other hobbits came bringing Uruk-hai along  
  
Help me if you can, I'm under siege!  
Legolas, Gimli, and my liege!  
Help me knock the orcs down to their knees!  
Won't you please, please help me!  
  
And now they're shooting their arrows right at me  
I blew the horn of Gondor, now, where can you be?  
They're taking off the halflings, but what can I do?  
All that's left for me is to lie and wait for you  
  
Help me if you can, I'm under siege!  
Legolas, Gimli, and my liege!  
Help me knock the orcs down to their knees!  
Won't you please, please help me?  
  
_(Aragorn comes and kneels beside Boromir, who explains:)_  
  
When I was gathering the firewood today  
I tried to take little Frodo's Ring in every way  
But then he disappeared and I wandered all alone  
Then these other hobbits came bringing Uruk-hai along  
  
Help me if you can, I'm under siege!  
Legolas, Gimli, and my liege!  
Help me knock these orcs down to their knees!  
Won't you please, please help me?  
Help me!  
Help me, ooh!_


	4. (Theme from) The Hobbits

(Theme from) The Hobbits  
(Based on "(Theme from) The Monkees" by the Monkees; original words and music by Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart. This is based on the long version found on the group's first self-titled album; if you're confused and/or want to hear more than just the TV version, get _The Monkees_, _The Monkees' Greatest Hits_, _The Monkees Anthology_, _Monkees Music Box_, or _The Definitive Monkees_. Incidentally, the TV version is on _Missing Links Vol. 3_. And that was way more information than you needed, but anyway…)

__

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin have returned from their journey and have led the people of the Shire in a successful revolt against Saruman's tyrannical rule. As they process triumphantly through Hobbiton, our heroes notice that although they are_ getting a hero's welcome, they're also getting some very odd looks. Suddenly, with a mischievous twinkle, Pippin begins:_

(bladalum)  
Here we come,  
Walkin' down the street,  
Get the funniest looks from  
Everyone we meet.

[all four, lining up to do the Monkeewalk]

Hey, hey, we're the hobbits,  
And people say we've monkeyed around,  
But we've been too busy questing  
To put anybody down.

[Merry]

We go wherever we're needed,  
Do what we're called to do.  
We don't have time to get restless;  
There's always something new!

[all four]

Hey, hey, we're the hobbits,  
And people say we've monkeyed around,  
But we've been too busy questing  
To put anybody down.  
We just helped bring down Sauron,  
And now we've conquered Sharkey as well.  
We're the young generation,  
And we've got stories to tell!

[Frodo and Sam]

Oh....  
Anytime   
Or anywhere,  
Just look over your shoulder,  
'Cause we'll be standin' there!

[all four] 

Hey, hey, we're the hobbits,  
And people say we've monkeyed around,  
But we've been too busy questing  
To put anybody down.

[Instrumental riff begins]

Pippin: WAAAAAAAAAAAAOW!

Merry: One time!

Frodo: Aw, kick it!

[all four]

Hey, hey, we're the hobbits,  
And people say we've monkeyed around,  
But we've been too busy questing  
To put anybody down.  
We just helped bring down Sauron,  
And now we've conquered Sharkey as well.  
We're the young generation,  
And we've got stories to tell!  
Hey, hey, we're the hobbits,  
Hey, hey, we're the hobbits....

__

One older hobbit turns to Farmer Cotton and says, "What 'ave_ these lads been up to???"_


	5. Cirdan, Take Me Away

A/N: I don't really have a specific setting for this. It seems like the sort of thing Frodo would sing as he was about to leave from the Grey Havens, but it could also apply to Bilbo and Sam.

Círdan, Take Me Away  
(based on "Cowboy, Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks)

I said, I wanna touch the earth,  
I wanna break it in my hands.  
I wanna leave all that's wild and unruly.  
  
I wanna sleep in Valinor,  
In a land that's free from harm,  
On a pillow of elanor  
In a blanket made of stars.  
  
Oh, it sounds good to me.  
  
Círdan, take me away,  
Sail this hobbit as far as you can  
Into the wild blue.  
Set me free, oh, I pray,  
Closer to heaven above and closer to youth,  
Closer to youth.  
  
I wanna walk and not run,  
I wanna skip and not fall.  
I wanna look at the horizon  
And not see a Ringwraith standing tall.  
  
I wanna be the only one  
For miles and miles  
Except for maybe Elves  
And their simple smiles.  
  
Oh, it sounds good to me.  
Yeah, it sounds so good to me!  
  
Círdan, take me away,  
Sail this hobbit as far as you can  
Into the wild blue.  
Set me free, oh, I pray,  
Closer to heaven above and closer to youth,  
Closer to youth.  
  
I said, I wanna touch the earth,  
I wanna break it in my hands,  
I wanna leave all that's wild and unruly.  
Oh, it sounds so good to me.  
  
Círdan, take me away,  
Sail this hobbit as far as you can  
Into the wild blue.  
Set me free, oh, I pray,  
Closer to heaven above and closer to youth,  
Closer to youth.  
  
Closer to youth.  
Círdan, take me away....  
Closer to youth....


	6. Mary Sues

Mary Sues  
(based on "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly)

The Fellowship is being chased by screaming girls who don't read the books because of the big words. Finally fed up, Legolas turns around, points a finger at the girls, and begins to sing. The other members of the Fellowship sing back-up and dance about behind him.)  
  
_If you knew, Mary Sue, just how much I can't stand you!  
Oh, Mary, you Mary Sues!  
Oh, well, you drive me mad with your screaming, Mary Sues!  
  
Mary Sues, Mary Sues,  
Scary, screaming, shrieking, crazy Mary Sues!  
Oh, Mary, you Mary Sues!  
Oh, well, you frighten me more than the Nazgûl, Mary Sues!  
_  
_Can't stand you, Mary Sues, in fact I'm quite scared of you!  
Oh, Mary, you Mary Sues!  
Oh, well, leave me be 'cause I need peace, Mary Sues!  
  
Mary Sues, Mary Sues, oh, how I must run from you!  
Oh, Mary, you Mary Sues!  
Oh, well, I'm tired now, and I want rest, Mary Sues!  
Oh, well, please honor that and just calm down, Mary Sues!  
  
_Legolas: (turning to the Company) Where did THAT come from?  
Aragorn: (hurriedly) There's no time to ponder your question, my friend. RUN!  
Frodo: (wide-eyed and panicking) May the Valar protect us all!  
*The Fellowship continues their flight from the Mary Sues, who just might be rabid. Lab results are pending.*


	7. Elanor Gamgee

"Elanor Gamgee"  
(based on "Eleanor Rigby" by the Beatles)

I'm not sure who should sing this yet...  
  
_Ah, look at all the Little People!  
Ah, look at all the Little People!  
  
Elanor Gamgee, born in the Shire to a mother that they all called Rose.  
Everyone knows...  
Grew up at Bag End-- the light of the sun was captured there in her hair.  
She was "the Fair."  
  
All the little people living in the Shire.  
All the little people have all their hearts desire.  
  
Her father Samwise went with Baggins to Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring.  
Of them men sing.  
Now he's the Mayor, watching the Shire and keeping them all safe from harm.  
They and their farms.  
  
All the Little People living in the Shire.  
All the Little People have all their hearts desire.  
  
Ah, look at all the Little People!  
Ah, look at all the Little People!  
  
Elanor Gamgee wed a young hobbit from Greenholm who's name was Fastred.  
That's what they said.  
They moved to Westmarch, a gift from the king on his throne down South in Gondor.  
Young hobbits she bore.  
  
All the Little People living in the Shire.  
All the Little People have all their hearts desire._


	8. Something

"Something"  
(based on "Something" by the Beatles; original words and music by the late great George Harrison)

Gollum has been following Frodo the Ring-bearer and singing this to himself:  
_  
Something in the way it shines  
Attracts me like no other treasure.  
Something in the way it consumes me...  
  
I don't want to lose it now!  
You know that it's mine and how!  
  
Somewhere in its gleam it knows  
That I don't need no other treasure.  
Something in its feel that shows me...  
  
I don't want to lose it now!  
You know that it's mine and how!  
  
I love the Precious, don't you know?  
Well, I know! Yes, I know!  
Thanks to it my life's been long.  
I'm still strong! I'm still strong!  
  
Something in the way I feel,  
And all I have to do is think of it.  
Something in the things it told me...  
  
I don't want to lose it now!  
You know that it's mine and how!_


	9. Hobbiton

A/N: Thanks a mil to all our kind reviewers! There's plenty more where these came from, we can assure you.... And thanks for the plug, mulberry! :-) (Go read her "Golden Rings and Golden Oldies," as well as "LotR Sings the Beatles" by TexStarr.)

* * *

"Hobbiton"  
(based on "Ireland" by Garth Brooks; original words by Garth Brooks, Stephanie Davis, and Jenny Yates)

  
After the Ring has been destroyed, the hobbits head back to Hobbiton. As they travel, they begin to sing:  
  
FRODO:  
_They say Middle-earth is free now.  
Sauron's Ring has been destroyed.  
Made it to the Black Land somehow.  
Now we get to go home, boys!  
In the South we fought great armies!  
Even suffered a few blows...  
Didn't know it'd get so nasty...  
But we go home as heroes!  
  
_SAM:  
_We started out from Rivendell.  
Nine of us, a Fellowship!  
Went South with but one pony  
And a stiff upper-lip.  
Tried in vain to pass Caradhras!  
We were buried in the snow.  
Chose to brave Moria instead...  
Eight made it out, don't you know..._  
  
ALL FOUR:  
_Hobbiton, we are coming home!  
We can see your rolling fields of green,  
We'll never be alone!  
We are coming back, won't you welcome us?  
We're coming home, Hobbiton!  
  
_MERRY:  
_We made it to the Golden Wood,  
Met the elf Galadriel.  
Would have stayed there longer if we could,  
But we bid her farewell.  
Rowed down the river to Amon Hen,  
Lost our companion Boromir.  
Found new hope in our quest when  
Frodo defeated all his fears.  
  
_ALL:  
_Hobbiton, we are coming home!  
We can see your rolling fields of green,  
We'll never be alone!  
We are coming back, won't you welcome us?  
We're coming home, Hobbiton!  
  
_PIPPIN:  
_Gandalf had returned as the White,  
Defeated Saruman and we went  
Back to Gondor to fight the orcs  
Knowing just how much it meant.  
Sam and Frodo in the Black Land  
Made it to the mountain top.  
The Ring did fall into the cracks then.  
Thanks to us Sauron was stopped.  
  
_ALL:  
_Hobbiton, we are coming home!  
We can see your rolling fields of green,   
We'll never be alone!  
We are coming back, won't you welcome us?  
We're coming home, Hobbiton.  
Yes, we are home, Hobbiton.  
  
_SAM:  
_We started out from Rivendell..._


	10. We Shall Be Free

"We Shall Be Free"_  
_(based on "We Shall Be Free" by Garth Brooks; original words by Garth Brooks and Stephanie Davis)  


At the Council of Elrond, the attendees are discussing the Ring and what must be done with it. Elrond suddenly stands and begins:  
  
_This ain't comin' from no prophet...  
Just an ordinary elf.  
When I close my eyes I see  
The way Middle-earth shall be  
When we all walk hand-in-hand...  
  
_*The other Elves line up behind him choir-style and provide backing vocals*  
  
(Oooo, oooo! Oooo, oooo!)  
_When the last Dwarf cries for their captured mines,  
When the last Man dies on the battle lines,  
When there's safety for the smallest kinds,  
We shall be free, yeah!  
  
When the last thing we notice is our race or our skin,  
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within,  
When all our lands are free again,  
We shall be free!  
  
We shall be free!  
We shall be free!  
Leave soon!  
Save us!  
'Cause we shall be free!  
  
When we're free to go anywhere we choose,  
When Middle-earth's big enough for each one of you,  
When Sauron's defeated--'cause you know he must lose,  
Then we shall be free, yeah!  
  
_(Oh, oh, oh!)  
_We shall be free!  
We shall be free!  
Go to Mount Doom!  
Then we trust  
That we shall be free!  
  
And when Nazgûl ride for the very last time,  
And when no race walks a step behind,  
And when there's peace between races, and we're all kind,  
Then we shall be free!  
  
We shall be free!  
We shall be free!  
Leave soon! _(Save us!)  
_Go to Mount Doom! _(Then we trust)_  
That we shall be free!  
  
_(Oh, oh, oh!)  
_We shall be free!  
We shall be free!  
Leave soon! _(Save us!)  
_Go to Mount Doom! _(Then we trust)  
_That we shall be free!  
  
We shall be free!  
We shall be free!  
Leave soon!  
Save us!  
We shall be free!  
  
_(Oh, oh, oh!)_  
We shall be free!  
We shall be free...  
  
_*they fade out*  
  
The other members of the council: O.o  
Gandalf: Riiiiiiight...


	11. Can You Dig It?

Can You Dig It?  
(based "Can You Dig It?" by the Monkees; original words and music by Peter Tork)

__

Two days before Rauros, Boromir drifts into an uneasy slumber, tormented by temptation to take the Ring from Frodo. As he dozes, exotic, otherworldly music begins to echo through his mind. A strangely soothing voice begins to sing:

One Ring doesn't change,  
There is only one,  
Changing men from inside.  
What do they become?

Can you dig it?  
Do you know?  
Would you care to let it show?

Those who know it use it;  
Those who scorn it die.  
To sing that you can dig it  
Is to make your soul to fly  
To Val'nor!

Can you dig it?  
Do you know?  
Would you care to let it show?

(an instrumental break follows)

Can you dig it?  
Do you know?  
Would you care to let it show?

There is only power  
In this world of life and death.  
I sing the praise of never-change  
With every single breath.

Can you dig it?  
Do you know?  
Would you care to let it show?

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

__

Literally entranced by the music, Boromir determines to get the Ring at all costs and drifts into deep, dreamless sleep. The temptation is complete, and Boromir has fallen.


	12. Walking After Midnight

A/N: I apologize for Legolas not having as many lines as the others. There's no reason for it, really. I just split it up this way... Please don't hurt me, Legolas fans! We really do love him, too! Besides, he has his very own song here. ("Mary Sues") 

* * *

"Walking After Midnight"  
(based on the Garth Brooks version because that's the one I have)

  
One night during the two weeks between Rivendell and Caradhras Aragorn decides he wants to sing a song. The other eight quickly catch on and add their own parts:  
  
**[Aragorn]**  
_We go on walkin',  
After midnight,  
Out in the starlight,  
Just like Elrond said to!  
_**[Boromir]  
**_We're always walkin',  
After midnight,  
Hidden from view!  
  
_**[Gimli]**  
_We walk for miles,   
Sleep through the whole day.  
Well, that's just out way.  
Yeah, that's just what we do.  
_**[Boromir]**  
_We're always walkin',   
After midnight,  
Hidden from view!  
  
_**[Legolas]  
**_We keep our eyes peeled for the orcs!  
_**[Merry and Pippin]**_  
We'd like to use our forks!  
We're hungry as we can be!  
_**[Frodo]  
**_And as the skies turn gloomy,  
The Ring whispers to me  
Of things that I don't want to see!  
_  
*the others look at him nervously*  
  
**[Gandalf]  
**_We go on walkin',  
After midnight,  
Out in the moonlight,  
Gonna make Middle-earth free.  
_**[Sam]**  
_So we keep walkin',   
After midnight,  
With our pony.  
  
_(At this point there is an instrumental piece. The Companions can't help but have a little spring into their step.)  
  
**[Legolas]  
**_We keep our eyes peeled for the orcs!  
_**[Merry and Pippin]**_  
We'd like to use our forks!  
We're hungry as we can be!  
_**[Frodo]  
**_And as the skies turn gloomy,  
The Ring whispers to me  
Of things that I don't want to see!  
_  
**[Gandalf]  
**_We go on walkin',  
After midnight,  
Out in the moonlight,  
Gonna make Middle-earth free.  
_**[Sam]**  
_So we keep walkin',  
After midnight,  
With our pony.  
_  
**[All in Broadway show-stopper fashion]  
**_We go on walkin',  
After midnight,  
Hidden from...  
View!_  
  
  
Now you know why Tolkien didn't write much concerning that fortnight. :)_  
_


	13. Breathing

"Breathing"  
(based on "Breathing" by Lifehouse)

Faramir sees Eowyn while outside and joins her. As he does, he begins to sing:  
  
_I'm finding my way back to health again,  
Though I don't really know where  
I'm gonna go when I get there.  
Though you'd rather go and fight,  
This war will end in time.  
We'll gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.  
  
Now I am hanging on every word you say, and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight  
That's alright, alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit  
Here with you out-of-doors and listen to you breathing.  
It's where I want to be, yeah...  
  
Where I wanna be...  
  
Trying to fight the shadows  
In my mind and finding hope in you, and  
I'm trying to identify  
The voices in my head.  
Lady, which one's you?  
You can feel one more time  
What it feels like to feel.  
I'll break these calluses off of you.  
Give me time._  
  
_Now I am hanging on every word you say, and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight   
That's alright, alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit  
Here with you out-of-doors and listen to you breathing.  
It's where I want to be._  
  
_All I want is love from you.  
Bet you're tired of me waiting  
For you to smile at me  
And say you'll love me always.  
  
La Da Da, La Da Da Da Da Da..._  
  
_Now I am hanging on every word you say, and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight   
That's alright, alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit  
Here with you out-of-doors and listen to you breathing.  
It's where I want to be._  
  
_Now I am hanging on every word you say, and  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight   
That's alright, alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit  
Here with you out-of-doors and listen to you breathing.  
It's where I want to be.  
  
Where I wanna be...  
Where I wanna be..._


	14. What Am I Doing Hangin' 'Round?

What Am I Doing Hangin' 'Round?  
(based on "What Am I Doing Hangin' 'Round?" by the Monkees; original words and music by Michael Martin Murphey)

__

As the Fellowship and the armies of Men, Elves, and Dwarves leave Ithilien to return to Gondor for the crowning of King Elessar, a slightly homesick Pippin reminisces about the early days of their journey:

Just a loud-mouthed hobbit, I went down to Rivendell.  
I didn't have much time to spend, or not that I could tell.  
Then I lightly took advantage of a top-secret council,  
But I found myself a-thinkin' when I saw Sam leading Bill…

What am I doing hangin' 'round?  
I should be on that road and gone.  
I should be walkin' down that road to Hobbiton.  
What am I doing hangin' 'round?

They took us to a mineshaft just for a little walk.  
I didn't know much Dwarvish and there was no time for talk.  
Then ol' Gandalf fought the Balrog, saved us all before he fell;  
"Fool of a Took," I told myself, "I shoulda stayed in Rivendell!"

What am I doing hangin' 'round?  
I should be on that road and gone.  
I should be walkin' down that road to Hobbiton.  
What am I doing hangin' 'round?

Well, it's been a year or so, and I wanna go home again,  
And if we have the money, we'll stay at the same ol' inn.  
But I guess adventures come but once, and boy, I sure had mine!  
And still I can't stop thinkin' when I see these standards flyin'…

What am I doing hangin' 'round?  
I should be on that road and gone.  
I should be walkin' down that road to Hobbiton.  
What am I doing hangin' 'round?

What am I doing hangin' 'round?  
I should be on that road and gone.  
I should be walkin' down that road to Hobbiton.  
What am I doing hangin' 'round?

What am I doing hangin' 'round?  
I should be on that road and gone.  
I should be walkin' down that road to Hobbiton.  
What am I doing hangin' 'round….


	15. This Just May Be The One

"This Just May Be The One"  
(based on "You Just May Be The One" by the Monkees; original words by Michael Nesmith)

Have you ever wondered exactly _what_ Gandalf was "deep in thought" about when Frodo came into Bag End after Bilbo's departure? We can be fairly sure he thought about the Ring, but what were his _exact_ thoughts? Here's my theory:  
  
_Sauron did forge some rings  
Forge some rings  
Seven for Dwarves, Nine for Mortals  
And three for Elven-kings  
Then he made One to rule them  
And this just may be the One  
  
Sauron did forge some rings  
Forge some rings  
One was of great power  
Its evil cannot be outdone  
One Ring in darkness binds them  
And this just may be the One  
  
I saw when he walked by  
The gleam in Bilbo's eyes  
I knew I must try  
To make him leave it at Bag End  
Soon his mind will mend  
I must see Saruman  
  
Sauron did forge some rings  
Forge some rings  
Seven for Dwarves, Nine for Mortals  
And three for Elven-kings  
One ring in darkness binds them  
And this just may be the One  
  
Then he made One to rule them  
And this just may be the One_


	16. Saruman

A/N: This one doesn't really have a specific setting. It's as much me musing as it is any of the characters talking about Saruman. And for die-hard Monkees fans, this is the version that's on _Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, and Jones, Ltd._ I thought about trying to do the alternate version, but I couldn't figure out what to do with Mike's little spiel at the end.

* * *

Saruman  
(based on "Salesman" by the Monkees; original words and music by Craig Vincent Smith)

Saruman, where ya gonna go sell all of your words today?  
Saruman, gonna walk along the Road, see friends along the way.  
Well, Saruman, with your Worm-tongue who you push around while you walk,  
Hey, Saruman, got the Uruk-hai who will follow you when you talk.  
You always wear a smile,  
Even though you gotta walk ten miles.  
Long lifespan,  
The Istar Saruman!

Yep, yep, Saruman (Ssssaruman), now you're on the street, whether it's hot or cold.  
Yep, Saruman (Ssssaruman), gonna work real hard till every hobbit's sold.  
Saruman (Ssssaruman), as the years go by, Arda's changing every day,  
Hey, Saruman (Ssssaruman), till the day you die, you'll be living in the same way.  
You always wear a smile,  
You love it fast and you live wild!  
Long lifespan,  
But ain't life grand?

No more pipe-weed,  
No beer at the inn.  
There goes Saruman,  
And he's sailin' high again.  
He's sailin' so high (high),  
Sailin' so high (high),  
He's sailin' so high (high), high (high), high (high), oh....

Saruman, where ya gonna go sell all of your words today?  
Yep, Saruman, go to Hobbiton, gonna see friends along the way.  
Hey, Saruman, with your Worm-tongue who you push around while you walk,  
Hey, Saruman, with your secret lines that you push while you talk.  
You always wear a smile,  
Even though you've gotta walk a hundred 'n ten miles...  
Long lifespan,  
But the whole thing's grand.

Saruman....


	17. I've Got Hair Upon My Feet

"I've Got Hair Upon My Feet"  
(based on "I'll Be Back Up On My Feet" by the Monkees; original words by Sandy Linzert and Denny Randell)

  
The four hobbits are sitting around a fire (on one of the slightly rare occasions when it was safe to light one) and looking rather glum. In an effort to cheer themselves they decide to sing a song, which Frodo began thusly:  
  
**[Frodo]  
**_Yeah, we know the grass is greener just above Bag End  
Had to leave our holes, but don't you fear.  
_**[Merry]**  
_Though the Road is watched and we might fail to find the end,  
Let's be of good cheer!_  
  
**[All]  
**_We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Eat mushrooms and bacon, and then have a pint or two!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Lookin' high, we're lookin' low  
When we find our pipes you know we're gonna smoke!  
Hair upon our feet!  
Ahhhhhh, ahhhhh...  
  
_**[Pippin]  
**_Maybe there's not much distance between our heads and ground.  
We're the bravest hobbits in the Shire.  
_**[Sam]  
**_Maybe we will meet some orcs who'll push us all around,  
But that's not our desire!  
  
_**[All]  
**_We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Eat mushrooms and bacon, and then have a pint or two!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Lookin' high, we're lookin' low  
When we find our pipes you know we're gonna smoke!  
Hair upon our feet!   
Ahhhhh-ahhhhh...  
  
_(During the short instrumental, the four stand and begin dancing.)  
  
**[Sam]  
**_Maybe we will meet some orcs who'll push us all around,  
But that's not our desire!  
  
_**[All]  
**_We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Eat mushrooms and bacon, and then have a pint or two!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
We've got hair upon our feet!  
Lookin' high, we're lookin' low  
When we find our pipes you know we're gonna smoke!  
When we find our pipes you know we're gonna smoke!  
When we find our pipes you know we're gonna smo-o-oke!  
  
_(The hobbits can't help but giggle, even getting a few chuckles from the other Companions.)


	18. Fangorn Forest Sunday

A/N: I realize that the Entmoot lasted more than one day. No, I do not know if one of these days happened to be a Sunday. And yes, I also know that Merry and Pippin were only there for the first day, then stayed at Quickbeam's house. This just made for a fun parody. :)

* * *

"Fangorn Forest Sunday"  
(based on "Pleasant Valley Sunday" by the Monkees; original words by Gerry Goffin and Carole King)  


Merry and Pippin sing about the Ents, Entmoot, and a little of what followed the Moot, with Merry providing the echo for Pippin and vice versa. When singing together, Pippin provides the echo.  
  
**[Pippin]**  
_The local Entmoot has begun, the attendees all hoom and hom.  
We sit and watch, don't know Entish, so take our seats upon a stone.  
  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Sunday!)  
_Treebeard tries to rouse the Ents.  
They stand and talk about how hard life is,  
But to us their words make no sense.  
  
_**[Merry]  
**_See Quickbeam there, with grey-green hair, closest to hasty of them all.  
We walk with him to his ent-house, I swear, this Ent-draught will make us tall.  
  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Sunday!)  
_The Wizard's reign will soon end.  
We rejoin Treebeard and are on our way  
To takle Saruman.  
  
_**[Pippin]  
**_The Ents' voices now roll.  
They all sing of their goal.  
"To Isengard" they all do say.  
_**[Merry]  
**_We reach Orthanc at last  
And watch the orcs go past.  
The Istar now will have to pay!  
  
_**[Both]  
**_Ta ta ta ta, Ta ta ta ta, Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta taaaaa...  
Ta ta ta tyah, Ta ta ta tyah, Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta taaaaa...  
  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday!  
Treabeard tries to rouse the Ents.  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday!  
The Wizard's reign will soon end!  
  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Ah, Fangorn Forest Sunday!)_  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Ah, Fangorn Forest Sunday!)_  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Ah, Fangorn Forest Sunday!)_  
Another Fangorn Forest Sunday! _(Ah, Fangorn Forest Sunday!)  
  
(During the final instrumental piece, the Ents are victorious and Isengard is laid to waste.)


	19. Glittering Caves

A/N: I realize that Gimli did not know that he was going to see the Glittering Caves, but I think the song still works.

* * *

"Glittering Caves"  
(based on "Beautiful Day" by U2; original words by Bono)

Gimli sings of the Caves and other things that happened leading up to the time he saw them:  
  
_At the council I pledged my axe to him  
May prove ill, but I'll help protect all of them  
I'm a Dwarf, and we're mighty warriors, don't forget  
So plot our course, and then off we all shall set  
We set out in the cold, at the end of the day  
This Dwarf isn't old at all, so let's be on our way  
  
The Glittering Caves!   
So beautiful...  
The Glittering Caves!  
The Elf longs for waves...  
  
We're on the road, marching t'wards our destination  
When we're done, I'll surely want a long vacation  
We're far from towns, as we go walking through the wilds  
We walk all evening, I said, we walk for miles  
  
See the Glittering Caves!  
Yes, one of these days!  
The Glittering Caves!  
Hoo, hoo, hoo!  
  
Touch me! Take me to some far-off place.  
Free me! Help Frodo keep free my race.  
  
Se the hobbit's eyes of blue  
See the cave troll right in front of you  
See the Balrog and Wizard fall  
See the home of Elves where we stall  
See the Uruk-hai slay Boromir  
See each left shed a tear, and  
See the Rohirrim ride into sight  
After some time, grey Gandalf is the White  
(Caves... Caves...)  
  
I'll see the Glittering Caves!  
Yes, I will someday!  
Glittering Caves...  
  
Touch me! Take me to some far-off place!  
Free me! Help Frodo keep free my race!  
  
At Helm's Deep I saw the Caves now  
We beat the Orcs there somehow  
I finally saw the Caves now  
The Caves now  
  
I saw the Glittering Caves_


	20. Son of Arathorn

A/N: Yes, I know they left Rivendell at dusk and not in the middle of the afternoon. It just worked better that way; this is not the easiest song in the world to parody well.

* * *

Son of Arathorn  
(based on "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon and Garfunkel; original words and music by Paul Simon)

If Paul Simon had written the Council of Elrond, this is how it might have gone:

__

Di dididi didi didi didi didi di  
Do dododo do dodo do  
Dididi didi didi didi didi di...

And here's to you, Son of Arathorn,  
Arwen loves you more than you will know,  
Whoa, whoa, whoa.  
Valar bless you, please, Son of Arathorn,  
Mandos holds a place for you someday,  
Hey, hey, hey,  
Hey, hey, hey!

****

[Boromir]  
_I'd like to know a little 'bout this Ranger from the wild.  
_**[Aragorn]  
**_I'd like to help Gondor defend herself.  
_**[Elrond]  
**_Look around you; all you see are sympathetic eyes.  
We at Rivendell will help you save your home._

And here's to you, Son of Arathorn,  
Arwen loves you more than you will know,  
Whoa, whoa, whoa.  
Valar bless you, please, Son of Arathorn,  
Mandos holds a place for you someday,  
Hey, hey, hey,  
Hey, hey, hey!

****

[Gandalf]  
_Hidden in a hiding place that Sauron doesn't know,  
Young Frodo Baggins has the One Ring.  
It's a little secret, just a Fellowship affair.  
Most of all you've got to hide it from the Wraiths!_

Coo coo ca-choo, Son of Arathorn,  
Arwen loves you more than you will know,  
Whoa, whoa, whoa.  
Valar bless you, please, Son of Arathorn,  
Mandos holds a place for you someday,  
Hey, hey, hey,  
Hey, hey, hey!

Setting out from Rivendell one wintry afternoon,  
Gonna get ol' Frodo to Mount Doom.  
Laugh about it, shout about it; when you've got to choose,  
Come what may, ol' Sauron's got to lose.

Where have you gone, heir of Isildur?  
All Gondor turns its lonely eyes to you,  
Woo, woo, woo.  
What's that you say, Son of Arathorn?  
Gondor's king will come again someday,  
Hey, hey, hey,  
Hey, hey, hey.


	21. I'll Follow the Sun

I'll Follow the Sun  
(based on "I'll Follow the Sun" by the Beatles; original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

After Rose's death, Sam goes to the Grey Havens to join Frodo in Valinor. As he says goodbye to his children, he sings:

__

One day you'll look  
To see I've gone,  
But tomorrow may rain, so  
I'll follow the sun.

One day, you know,  
I held the One,  
And I'm tired of the world, so  
I'll follow the sun.

And now the time has come,  
And so, my loves, I must go.  
And soon I'll see my friends,  
So in the end you will know, oh, oh, oh, oh.

One day you'll find  
That I have gone,  
But tomorrow may rain, so  
I'll follow the sun.

(instrumental break)

__

And now the time has come,  
And so, my loves, I must go.  
I'll soon see Frodo again,  
And in the end you will know, oh, oh, oh, oh.

One day you'll find  
That I have gone,  
But tomorrow may rain, so  
I'll follow the sun.  
Yeah, tomorrow may rain, so  
I'll follow the sun.


	22. Fangorn Forest Ent Song (Feelin' Hoom-y)

A/N: NO idea who should sing this; could be Quickbeam or Merry or Pippin or Legolas or some random Mary Sue hippie chick who winds up in Fangorn. Actually, this is the result of two midterms, two papers, and very little sleep, so if it's a little "out there," that's why.

* * *

Fangorn Forest Ent Song (Feelin' Hoom-y)  
[based on "59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)" by Harpers Bizarre (originally recorded by Simon and Garfunkel); original words and music by Paul Simon]

Slow down, you move too fast!  
You've got to make the morning last!  
Just stridin' by the waterfall,  
Lovin' the sun and feelin' hoom-y! (hoom-y, feelin' hoom-y)  
Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y. (Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y)

Hello, Treebeard, whatcha knowin'?  
I've come to watch your forest growin'!  
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?  
Dodododo, feelin' hoom-y! (hoom-y, feelin' hoom-y)  
Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y. (Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y)

Got no place to go, no promises to keep.  
Ah, Ent-draught and sunshine, I drink them both deep!  
Let the lovely day drop all its petals on me;  
Life, I love you-all is hoom-y! (hoom-y, feelin' hoom-y)  
Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y. (Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y)

Badada da da da da da...

[instrumental break]

Slow down, you move too fast!  
You've got to make the morning last!  
Just stridin' by the waterfall,  
Lovin' the sun and feelin' hoom-y! (hoom-y, feelin' hoom-y)  
Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y. (Badada dada dada, feelin' hoom-y)

Badada da da da da da...


	23. An Old-fashioned Elf-song

A/N: Thanks to fbaggins9 for finding the original author on this one! (I hadn't been able to find it.)

* * *

An Old-fashioned Elf-song  
(based on "An Old Fashioned Love Song" by Three Dog Night; original words and music by Paul Williams)

As the hobbits sit in the Hall of Fire after the banquet celebrating Frodo's recovery, listening to the elven minstrels singing the old lays, Bilbo starts singing softly:

__

Just an old-fashioned elf-song  
Telling of the days of old,  
And wrapped around the music  
Is the sound of things that mortal minds can never know.  
You'll swear you've heard it before  
As it slowly rambles on and on.  
No need in bringing 'em back  
'Cause they've never really gone.

Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
Coming down in three-part harmony.  
Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
One I'm sure you'll learn to love like me,

To weave your dreams upon  
And listen to each evening when the lights are low,  
To underscore your love of life  
With tenderness and feelings only elves can know.  
You'll swear you've heard it before  
As it slowly rambles on and on.  
No need in bringing 'em back  
'Cause they've never really gone.

[Frodo and Sam join in]  
_Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
Coming down in three-part harmony.  
Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
One I'm sure you'll learn to love like me.  
Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
Coming down in three-part harmony.  
Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
One I'm sure you'll learn to love like me._

[Merry and Pippin join, changing the words slightly]  
_Just an old-fashioned elf-song,  
Coming down in three-part harmony.  
Just an old-fashioned elf-song;  
Someday they may sing of you and me!_

[Bilbo]  
_To weave your dreams upon and listen to the song…_

[all five on various parts]  
_Just (just) an elf song  
Comin' down…  
Just (just) an elf song,  
Someday they may sing of you and me!  
Just an old-fashioned elf song (just an elf song),  
Comin' down in three-part harmony.  
Just an old-fashioned elf song (just an elf song),  
Someday they may sing of you and me!_

[they repeat and fade]

Glorfindel and Lindir: o.O  
Bilbo: Don't ask….


	24. You Don't Mess Around With Jim

A/N: I had to take some artistic license on this one, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Have fun.

* * *

You Don't Mess Around With Jim  
(based on "You Don't Mess Around With Jim" by Jim Croce)

Mordor has its Nazgûl,  
Orthanc's Orcs can brave the sun;  
Moria's mines have Big Jim Balrog,  
An' he's a flame-shootin' son of a gun.  
Well, he's big and dumb as a demon comes,  
But he's stronger than a country hoss,  
And when the Mine Orcs all get together at night,  
You know they all call Big Jim "boss"  
Just because; and they say,

You don't tug on Saruman's cape,  
You don't spit into the wind.  
You don't draw your sword on the Mouth of Sauron,  
And you don't mess around with Jim.  
(Ba do da do dodododo dododo do)

Well, through the west gates one night there came a wizard man,  
He said, "I'm lookin' for the demon Jim.  
I'm just a-passin' this way; my name is Gandalf the Grey,  
But in the Shire they call me Slim."  
He said, "I'm lookin' for the cat that's known as Durin's Bane;  
He's got a whip that's made of fire.  
He's tryin' to kill all my buddies, and it may sound funny,  
But it's raised this wizard's ire."  
And they said, "Jack,  
Don't you know that..."

You don't tug on Saruman's cape,  
You don't spit into the wind.  
You don't draw your sword on the Mouth of Sauron,  
And you don't mess around with Jim.  
(Ba do da do dodododo dododo do)

Well, a hush fell over the dwarf-halls  
When Jimmy come boppin' up from the deep,  
And when the battle was done, the only part that wasn't bloody  
Was the soles of the demon's feet.  
Yeah, he was torn in about a hundred places,  
And he was stabbed in a couple more,  
And you better believe they sung a different kind of a story  
When Big Jim missed the floor.  
And now they say:

You don't tug on Glorfindel's cape,  
You don't spit into the wind.  
You don't draw your sword on that ol' lone Ranger,  
And you don't mess around with Slim.  
(Ba do da do dodododo dododo do)

[spoken]  
Yeah, Big Jim got his, cat; find out where it's at,  
And it's not killin' wizards strange to you,  
Even if you do have a flame-throwin', whip-wieldin' point of view.

You don't tug on Glorfindel's cape,  
You don't spit into the wind.  
You don't draw your sword on that ol' lone Ranger,  
And you don't mess around with Slim.  
(Ba do da do dodododo dododo do)


	25. Aragorn, King of Gondor

Aragorn King of Gondor  
(based on "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer")

You know Frodo and Samwise and Pippin and Merry;  
Boromir, Legolas, Gandalf and Gimli...  
But do you recall  
The most kingly one of them all?  
  
Aragorn king of Gondor  
Had a slightly damaged sword.  
But thanks to Elves at Rivendell  
The broken blade has been reforged.  
  
Few know he'll soon be crowned  
And rule a very great kingdom.  
They think he's a mere Ranger  
Yet they stick close to him.  
  
Then one day down in the mines  
Gandalf looked up to say,  
"Strider with your sword so bright,  
Guide the rest out to the light."  
  
Then the good Istar fell,  
And the Fellowship did see;  
Aragorn king of Gondor,  
You'll go down in history!  
You'll go down in history!


	26. If I Gave

If I Gave  
(based on "If I Fell" by the Beatles; original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

__

Upon surmising that his daughter and his foster son are in love with one another, Elrond takes young Aragorn aside and warns him, as daddies often do:

If I gave Arwen to you,  
Would you promise to be true  
And help her understand?  
She's not been in love before,  
But I've learned that love is more  
Than just holding hands.

Though she's giv'n her heart to you,  
I must be sure  
From the very start that you  
Will be worthy of my girl.

Can I trust in you?  
Oh, please,  
Know there's trials ahead.  
Though she loves you, too,  
Oh, please,  
Prove you're worth a maid like her,  
'Cause I couldn't stand the pain,  
And I would be sad if your new love was in vain.

So I hope you see that she  
Would love to love you,  
But that she will cry  
Before your days are through.  


'Cause I couldn't stand the pain,  
And I would be sad if your new love was in vain.

So I hope you see that she  
Would love to love you,  
But that we will cry  
The day I leave here, too,  
If I gave Arwen to you,  
Gave my baby girl to you.


	27. 25 or 60 Orcs

A/N: My dad actually came up with the idea for this one, but I changed it a little and came up with this. Enjoy. :)

* * *

25 or 60 Orcs  
(based on "25 or 6 to 4" by Chicago; original words and music by Robert Lamm)

__

As the Fellowship makes their way towards the rapids of Sarn Gebir, Merry thinks up a little tune—just as they're about to be ambushed:

Rowing till the break of day,  
Wondering what lies in our way,  
Many stars up in the sky,  
Trying not to close my eyes.  
What was that noise, Aragorn?  
25 or 60 Orcs?

Staring into darkened space,  
Wiping sweatdrops from my face,  
Hoping that we'll get a break,  
Wond'ring how much I can take. (Oo-oo-hoo-oo-oo)  
Not one or two, but many more,  
25 or 60 Orcs, yeah.

[Instrumental break, during which the Fellowship is attacked by the Orcs, but pass through the ambush unharmed]

Hope that soon we'll get to sleep;  
Fog around us sinking deep.  
Wond'ring what may come our way,  
Waiting for the break of day.  
25 or 60 Orcs,  
25 or 60 Orcs….


	28. Tol Eressëa

A/N: I'm assuming "Eressëa" rhymes with "sea" and "Teleri." If it doesn't… well, pretend. It's a fun idea anyway.

* * *

Tol Eressëa  
(based on "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles; original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

In the town where I was born  
Lived a man who'd sailed the seas,  
And he told us of the life  
Of the Elves in Eressëa.  
So we sailed toward the sun  
Till we met the Teleri,  
And we lived among the Elves  
In the land called Eressëa.

We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.  
We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.

And our friends all live next door,  
Many more live in Valinor,  
And the minstrels sing their lays…

We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.  
We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.

[_spoken_]  
Full speed ahead, Mr. Baggins, full speed ahead.  
Full speed ahead it is, Gandalf.  
Cut the cable, drop the cable.  
Círdan, Círdan….

As we live (as we live) a life of ease (a life of ease),  
Every one of us (everyone) has all we need (has all we need).  
Sky of blue (sky of blue) and sea of green (and sea of green)  
In the land of (in the land) Eressëa (Eressëa).

We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.  
We all live on Tol Eressëa,  
Tol Eressëa, Tol Eressëa.


	29. Uncle Sauron/Admiral Morgoth

A/N: Please don't shoot me if the original lyrics I based this on were incorrect. I got them from Macca-central.com, so they should be right, but for some reason they seem a lot stranger than what I hear on the radio….

* * *

Uncle Sauron/Admiral Morgoth  
(based on "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey" by Paul McCartney)

__

The Nazgûl report to Sauron after the fight at the Fords of Bruinen with slightly scrambled brains from having been swept downriver by the flood, but Sauron doesn't quite seem to be all there, either…

[The Witch-King]  
We're so sorry, Uncle Sauron;   
We're so sorry if we caused you any pain.   
We're so sorry, Uncle Sauron,  
But there's no one left at home   
And I believe I'm gonna rain.

We're so sorry, but we haven't heard a thing all day.   
We're so sorry, Uncle Sauron,   
But no matter what may happen, we'll be sure to get that ring.

We're so sorry, Uncle Sauron,   
But we haven't found the young Halfling all day.   
We're so sorry, Uncle Sauron,   
But the river's on the boil and we're so easily swept away… 

[Orc Chorus]  
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky,   
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky. 

[Sauron]  
Admiral Morgoth notified me   
He had to have a berth or he couldn't get to sea.   
I had another look and I had a cup of tea and butter pie

Ringwraith 2: Butter pie?   
Sauron: The butter wouldn't melt so I put it in the pie. 

[Orc Chorus]  
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky.   
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky.

[Various Nazgûl]   
Live a little, be a Ringwraith, get around (get around),   
Get your feet up off the ground,   
Live a little, get around.   
Live a little, be a Ringwraith, get around (get around),   
Get your feet up off the ground,  
Live a little, get around.

[All]   
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky.   
Hand across the water (water),   
Heads across the sky.   
Oooh, oooh….


	30. King of Gondor

A/N: I'm sorry for making Legolas say that the boots "look so pretty," but I was stuck on who should sing it. He, being an elf, seemed most likely to appreciate something being "pretty," so I gave the line to him. Again, I'm very sorry. :)   


* * *

King of Gondor  
(based on "King of New York" from Disney's _Newsies_; original words by Jack   
Feldman)

This is sung after Gandalf's return and the destruction of Isengard by the Ents. Everyone is catching up, and Aragorn's future is mentioned in the conversation. The following song then begins:  
  
LEGOLAS:  
A pair of new boots that look so pretty!  
  
MERRY:  
A permanent home in a great big city!  
  
PIPPIN:  
A bath in a tub of boilin' water!  
  
ARAGORN:  
A Saturday night with Elrond's daughter!  
  
Look at me,  
I'm the king of Gondor!  
Suddenly  
I'm respectable,  
Starin' right at 'cha,  
Look at my stature.  
Nubbin' with all the muckety-mucks,  
I'm stealin' the show by goin' deluxe!  
And there I be!  
Ain't I pretty?  
It's my country,  
I'm the king of Gondor!  
  
LEGOLAS:  
A brand new suit with fitted leggings!  
  
GIMLI:  
You could even rule for beheadings!  
  
(the hobbits gulp and rub their necks)  
  
PIPPIN:  
All the pipe weed that you can order!  
  
GANDALF:  
All you have to do is defeat ol' Mordor! 

GIMLI:  
Take a bow  
He's the King of Gondor!  
  
ARAGORN:  
See me now  
I'm the king of Gondor!  
  
GIMLI:  
In nothing flat,  
He'll be governing  
All you see here,  
Isildur's heir.  
  
GANDALF:  
Starin' down Sauron without flinchin'!  
  
PIPPIN:  
Protecting the weak!  
  
GIMLI:  
And savin' the winches!  
  
ARAGORN:  
When I'm in charge,  
Evil crumbles,  
  
MERRY:  
Proud yet humble,  
  
ARAGORN & MERRY:  
I'm/He's the king of Gondor.  
  
ARAGORN:  
I must be either dead or dreamin',  
'Cause look at the way my face is beamin'!  
Tomorrow we may fight in a big war,  
But I've got a hunch we'll defeat Mordor!  


[Instrumental break, during which Merry and Pippin convince everyone to join them in tap-dancing on a rock outcrop that looks suspiciously like a table]  


ALL:  
Startin' soon,  
He's the king of Gondor! 

ARAGORN:  
Have you heard?  
I'm the king of Gondor!  
  
ALL:  
Oh, my word!  
It's a miracle!  
Saruman's cryin'!  
Sauron, he's dyin'!  
Uruk-hai travel under the sun,  
But we'll knock 'em down or make 'em all run!  
  
ARAGORN:  
Don't ask me how;  
Fortune found me,  
Fate just crowned me,  
Soon I'll be King of Gondor!  
Look and see!  
I'm a ranger,  
Not a stranger!  
I'll be King of Gondor!  
Victory!  
What a story!  
Guts and glory!  
I'm the king of Gondor!


	31. Born to Be Wild

A/N: I know the Drúedain probably had their own names for the Valar, but since Tolkien never told us what they were, I had to use the Elven name.

* * *

Born to Be Wild  
(based on "Born to Be Wild" by Steppenwolf)

__

As Ghân-buri-Ghân meets with Théoden and Éomer, he starts to sing this little ditty, which surprises even Merry:

Gather up your horses,  
Take our hidden highway.  
Going to adventure,  
Make the darkness go away!

Yeah, Horse-men gonna make it happen,  
Free the world from a dark embrace.  
Draw all of your swords and kill all  
_Gorgûn_ that you face!

No more smoke and lightning,  
No more evil thunder!  
The bright steel can free us  
From the darkness that we're under.

Yeah, Horse-men gonna make it happen,  
Free the world from a dark embrace.  
Draw all of your swords and kill all  
_Gorgûn_ that you face!

Like Yavanna's child,  
I was born, born to be wild.  
Make us free to roam,  
Then leave Wild Men alone.

Born to be wild!  
Born to be wild!

[During the instrumental break, more Drúedain come out of the woods and do some sort of dance; Merry and Dernhelm exchange a look that says "Oooooookay…."]

Gather up your horses,  
Take our hidden highway.  
Going to adventure,  
Make the darkness go away!

Yeah, Horse-men gonna make it happen,  
Free the world from a dark embrace.  
Draw all of your swords and kill all  
_Gorgûn_ that you face.

Like Yavanna's child,  
I was born, born to be wild.  
Make us free to roam,  
Then leave Wild Men alone.

Born to be wild!  
Born to be wild!


	32. Me and You and a Dog Named Hu

Me and You and a Dog Named Hu  
(based on "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" by Lobo)

__

Beren looks back on the Quest for the Silmaril and how glad he is that the hard part is over, thanks in large part to Lúthien and Huan, but he also realizes that it's time to head back to Doriath and tell Thingol what happened. So he sings this song to Lúthien:

I remember to this day  
How your dad sent me away  
To wander without you   
In the cold and the rain.  
It was love that made me go,  
And that love drove you also.  
Oh, how I wish we were  
Back on the road again.

Me and you and a dog named Hu,  
Travelin' and a-livin' on the land.  
Me and you and a dog named Hu…  
How I love bein' a free man.

I can still recall  
The horror of Finrod's fall,  
And how beyond all hope Huan  
Brought you to my aid.  
Thrashing Sauron was a piece of work;  
Then we laid Felagund beneath the earth,  
Set the captives free, and got  
Back on the road again.

Me and you and a dog named Hu,  
Travelin' and a-livin' on the land.  
Me and you and a dog named Hu…  
How I love bein' a free man.

I'll never forget the day  
Your words held Morgoth's power at bay  
And we accomplished a feat that  
Made the trip worth the pain.  
But though we've rested here a month or so,  
Somethin's tellin' me it's time to go.  
We gotta get away and get  
Back on the road again.

Me and you and a dog named Hu,  
Travelin' and a-livin' on the land.  
Me and you and a dog named Hu…  
How I love bein' a free man.


	33. The Black Tower's Tale

A/N: A departure from sanity is what I would call this one. I'm only half kidding. I have created a song parody for an inanimate object to sing. I think it's an interesting perspective and hopefully somewhat different.

* * *

The Black Tower's Tale  
(based on "The Lighthouse's Tale" by Nickel Creek)

  
This is sung from Barad-dûr's perspective.  
  
I am a black tow'r  
Worn by the evil in this place  
Ever in darkness  
Never seeing a friendly face  
I'll tell a story  
Paint you a picture of my life  
It's been a hard one  
Will the day come that will end my strife?  
  
I have a keeper  
His wicked thoughts envelop me  
He is a Dark Lord  
Always searching for his long-lost Ring  
I house his lidless eye  
Ever gazing out to Middle-earth  
He strengthens his army  
Down in the land below me, great Lugburz  
  
And the Orcs march around me  
Many things I see  
And the words they speak remind me  
Of what has been, and what can never be  
  
He sent his Wraiths out  
To search far away a land called the Shire  
But when they came back  
They had failed and their horses had expired  
He grew impatient  
And he sent his Orcs to attack Gondor once more  
And me, so helpless  
Torn between his anger and what was right  
  
And the Orcs march around me  
Many things I see  
And the words they speak remind me  
Of what has been, and what can never be  
  
So here I still stand  
Unsure of what the future will now bring  
Some say a hobbit  
Would soon be here bearing the One Ring  
I hear more whispers, standing here so tall and made of stone  
I know all of his feelings  
And I sense his concern has grown  
  
And the Orcs march around me  
Many things I see  
And the words they speak remind me  
Of what has been, and what can never be  
  
I am a black tow'r  
Worn by the evil in this place  
Ever in darkness  
Never seeing a friendly face


	34. She's Fey Now

A/N: I know Éowyn wasn't quite unhinged enough to be considered fey during the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, but it's the closest I could come. Suicidal isn't exactly the right term, either, besides the fact that it doesn't fit the song. And the "not fine" comment means "not okay" or "not well," as in:

Éomer: She's just fine!

Aragorn: No, she's _not_ fine!

* * *

She's Fey Now  
(based on "She Hangs Out" by the Monkees; original words and music by Jeff Barry)

__

Before they depart Dunharrow on their separate routes to Minas Tirith, Aragorn pulls Éomer aside to ask him something about Éowyn, and Legolas and Gimli come to back him up:

Do de ronde ronde, do de rond rond…

How old d'ya say your sister was? (Sister was, sister was)  
How old d'ya say your sister was? (Sister was, sister was)  
You know, you'd better keep an eye on her. (Eye on her, eye on her)  
Do de ronde ronde, do de rond rond,  
She's fey now,  
She's fey now.

I heard you tell her, "Sis, war's no place for you." (Place for you, place for you)  
I heard Théoden make her a marshal, too. (Marshal, too, marshal, too)  
Ah, but there's no tellin' what desperate girls will do. (Girls will do, girls will do)  
Whoa, do de ronde ronde, do de rond rond,  
She's fey now,  
She's fey now.

Yeah, she's fey now,  
Fey now,  
'Cause she can't see the light,  
Can't see the light.  
You know, you'd best set guards here on the double  
Before she gets her pretty little self in trouble.  
She's (do dodododo) not fine,  
(Do dodododo) Not fine!

How old d'ya say your sister was? (Sister was, sister was)  
How old d'ya say your sister was? (Sister was, sister was)  
You know, you'd better keep an eye on her. (Eye on her, eye on her)  
Do de ronde ronde, do de rond rond,  
She's fey now,  
She's fey now.  
She's fey now, la la lalala lala,  
She's fey now….


	35. Elrond Told Me (Not to Come)

Elrond Told Me (Not to Come)  
(based on "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" by Three Dog Night)

__

Pippin's thoughts after he and Merry were captured by the Uruk-hai:  
  
What's this strange orkish water  
That they gave to me?  
What all this running's for, I just cannot see...  
This is the scariest journey that could ever be!  
Wish that I was back home, having cake and tea...  
  
Elrond told me not to come!  
Elrond told me not to come!  
I deem that you are too young, no, uh-uh!  
  
They took us both near the river; they were ev'rywhere.  
I think I'm almost chokin' from the smell that's in the air.  
And these weapons they're carryin'   
'Bout scare me half to death!  
I wish these lads would slow down and let us catch our breath!  
  
Elrond told me not to come!  
Elrond told me not to come!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
(He said, oh yeah!)  
  
The Uruk-hai are talkin', their voices make a harsh sound.  
I'm lookin' at ol' Merry, he's passed out on the ground!  
I don't know where we're going, I hope that we are found!  
I've heard so many things, I don't wanna hang around!  
  
Elrond told me not to come!  
Elrond told me not to come!  
He said that he thought I was too young, son!  
He thought that I was too young, no!  
  
(Elrond told me! Elrond told me! Elrond told me! Told me, told me! Oh, yeah!...)  
  
This really isn't no fun, no!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
  
This really isn't no fun, no!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
  
(Elrond told me! Elrond told me! Listen to me, listen to me!...)  
  
This really isn't no fun, no!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
  
This really isn't no fun, no!  
I deem that you are too young, son!  
  
(Elrond told me! Elrond told me!...)

  
  



	36. Aragorn, Frodo and Sam

* * *

A/N: I understand the meaning behind the original version of this song, and I'm not trying to make light of it. Please forgive me if you feel I am.   
  


Aragorn, Frodo and Sam  
(based on "Abraham, Martin and John" by Dion; original words and music by Dick Holler)  


__

Years after the passing of Frodo and Sam and the death of King Elessar, a minstrel puts together a song about the three heroes...   
  
Has anybody here seen my old friend Aragorn?  
Can you tell me where he's gone?  
He freed a lot of people  
But it seems the good, they die young.  
You know, I just looked around, and he's gone.  
  
Has anybody here seen my old friend Sam?  
Can you tell me where he's gone?  
He freed a lot of people  
But it seems the good, they leave young.  
I just looked around, and he's gone.  
  
Has anybody here seen my old friend Frodo?  
Can you tell me where he's gone?  
He freed a lot of people  
But it seems the good, they leave young.  
I just looked around and he's gone.  
  
Didn't you love the things that they stood for?  
Didn't they fight for the good of you and me?  
Middle-earth's free   
Thanks to them Sauron was defeated.   
  
...Anybody here seen my old friend Bilbo?  
Can you tell me where he's gone?  
I thought I saw him walk up over the Hill,   
With Aragorn, Frodo and Sam.   


  



	37. The Battle of the Pelennor Fields

A/N:  There's a whole mish-mash of cultures and points of view represented here… but I suppose that reflects the cultures involved in the battle.  The references come from "The Siege of Gondor," "The Ride of the Rohirrim," and "The Battle of the Pelennor Fields," but you should be able to tell which is which.  I used the Shire Reckoning year because it fit the rhyme better, and "pirate" instead of "corsair" for the same reason. And the grammar... well, it's consistent with the original song.

* * *

The Battle of the Pelennor Fields  
(based on "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton; original words and music by Jimmy Driftwood)

In 1419 we took a little trip  
Along with Cap'n Aragorn upon a pirate ship.  
We took a little _lembas and we took some __miruvor  
And we fought the hosts of Sauron on the Fields of Pelennor._

_Chorus_  
We fired our bows and the Uruks kep' a-comin';  
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.  
We fired once more and they began a-runnin',  
Down the vale of Anduin to trouble us no more.

We looked down the river and we seen the Southrons come,  
And there must have been a thousand orc-filth beatin' on the drum.  
They came so fast as the hell-hawks' cry did ring;  
We just battened down the hatches 'cause we couldn't do a thing.

_Chorus_

Old Théoden said we could take 'em by surprise  
If we didn't show our comin' till the sun began to rise.  
So we held our noise till he gave the trumpet blow,  
Then we charged straight into battle and we sent 'em all below!

_Chorus_

Yeah, they ran through the fires and they ran through the carnage,  
And they ran past the _mûmakil amid the battle's roar.  
They ran so fast even Gandalf couldn't catch 'em,  
Down the vale of Anduin to trouble us no more!_

One hobbit, he fought bravely, but his sword, it melted down;  
And "mighty was the fallen," it became a common sound.  
Ah, but hope unlooked-for with it did the salty West Wind bring,  
And at setting of the sun the people sang, "Here comes the King!"

_Chorus_

Yeah, they ran through the fires and they ran through the carnage,  
And they ran past the _mûmakil amid the battle's roar.  
They ran so fast even Gandalf couldn't catch 'em,  
Down the vale of Anduin to trouble us no more!_


	38. Good Clean Fun

A/N:  We're not dead, promise!  We've just been incredibly busy lately.  Many thanks to our reviewers; hope you like this "track" just as well!

* * *

Good Clean Fun  
(Based on "Good Clean Fun" by the Monkees; original words and music by Mike Nesmith)

_It's 1482 in the Shire Reckoning (Fourth Age 61), and Sam has finally decided to leave Middle-earth.  The ship can't sail fast enough for him—or for Frodo…_

**Sam:**  
There's a smile on the wind as it touches my face  
And starts to erase all the gloom,  
And the sun with a kiss begins to dismiss  
The memory of my life without you.

**Frodo:**  
Well, it seems like yesterday that my path took me away,  
Although I know it's been some sixty years.  
Now you're bound for Elvenhome, and my patient time alone  
Has made our longtime friendship much more dear.

**Both:**  
As the ship gets closer, every minute I look round  
To an Elf who keeps looking back at me,  
And he says to me, "Be patient, son; you've waited this long."  
But how can I be strong?

[Instrumental break]

**Both:**  
As the ship gets closer, every minute I look round  
To an Elf who keeps looking back at me,  
And he says to me, "Be patient, son; you've waited this long."  
But how can I be strong?

**Sam:**  
Now the gangplank's finally down and the waves have stopped their sound.  
I look in the crowd and there you stand,  
And the gap that once was time is forever closed behind,  
'Cause they told me I could come, and here I am!  
Yes, they told me I could come, and here I am!  
I told you I would come, and here I am!


End file.
